Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
