At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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