Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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