Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
