Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
