Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
