The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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