Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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