Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
The Olympian is in my bed
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