I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
