Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
