Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
She made me pour olive oil on her.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize