Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
