They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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