no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
