i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
