I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize