Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
