The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
