its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
