My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
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