he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
