We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
