She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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