Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
