There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
