I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
