You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
