OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
