Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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