this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
