The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
