listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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