its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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