47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I am mentally ready for anal.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
