this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
