Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
