Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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