awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
