I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just forgot I was standing up.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
