There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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