There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
