oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
