Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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