And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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