apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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