I hate your face
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize