Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
