why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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