im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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