this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
