I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
