why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
