you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
