a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Quick, to the slutcave!
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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