I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
