I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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