maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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