I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
