he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
