she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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