Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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