One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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