Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize