a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
