You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
