At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
