I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
