Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
