is your mom at the bar?
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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