Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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