i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
