I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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