U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
