You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
