so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize