Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
