I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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