**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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