I murdered the dance floor call the cops
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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