It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
