She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Holy sore nipples Batman
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
