can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
