my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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