it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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