How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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