just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
