new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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