shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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