JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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