I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
her vagine was all disorganized.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
