so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
