...so i touched it.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
