I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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