covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
