He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize