he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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