I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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