My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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