There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
