i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize