I'm jealous of your bromance
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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