Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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