Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
