Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Oh god it's open bar.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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