I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
