OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
