Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize